(ed. note: This story happened in late 2008 and the blog was originally posted on 4-9-09. A couple of my friends have heard of this, but most don't. This was the moment when I realized I was going to have a career change AND started relating everything in life to poker. I've learned some of the best life lessons over the felt and I'll try to share some here. Enjoy.)
I don't tell this story to a lot of people. But I'm sitting here, getting drunk alone, and a friend told me I've been quiet and I don't want to feel left out so...
As some of you know, last year I had to run away from my life. To be honest, I didn't HAVE to, I CHOSE to. I had come out of a 12 year relationship into the arms of the woman of my dreams, just to fuck it up because I jumped in too soon. A piece of advice, take time to get over one person before you start with another one. Seems like common sense, doesn't it? A parting of the sensory...
In any event, I'm straying from the story...
I took off for the caribbean. Family. I needed space and they needed me. What happened on the island is a separate story, but this one takes place there. I was contemplating my life and what I wanted to do with it one night when I decided to do something I had never done. Gamble.
I want to clarify something. I had put money down on gaming ventures before. Football pool for $5 every week, roll of nickles into a slot machine when I was in Vegas, I even bet the singer of my band $50 the name of the opening he had just played WASN'T the Sicilian Defence. (I was right. It was the Pirc. ed.) $7 a week on my pool league. I am VERY competitive. But I had never truly gambled on anything.
So here I was, waxing defiant and adventurous while laying on my little brother's bed in his empty room with his computer. I had just quit my job and had some money saved. Enough to be comfortable on the islands for 2 months, go back and have 3 months of bills paid. Enough time to find a job.
The job I had just left had re-introduced me to poker. Texas Hold'Em No Limit. The game of kings in poker. They held free tournaments in the bar I tended in. They still do. I took to playing on my day off (Sunday, how sacrilegious! ed) to "work my crowd". They also held them on nights I worked, so I figured I could get some face time with these people when I could maybe make a regular or two. At first it was a way of helping my tips get better on those nights, but soon I was hooked. I consider myself a pretty good player and my results there boosted my confidence.
So here I am, full of the confidence that fills you right after you make a life altering decision, and I found a poker site online. Full Tilt. How appropriate. I took out my credit card and deposited $250. I went straight to the tournaments and lost in one hand ( I was holding A8 of clubs in an all in pot pre-flop from the big blind. ed.), leaving me $225. I played another one, this time finishing 23 out of 90, good but still out of the money.
Judging by my results and the play online I decided to switch to the cash tables. I went to the lowest rung possible, $.05/$.10 blinds. A nickle and dime table. This is where the term comes from. I did pretty well, but at those stakes it is hard to make back $50. So I moved up. $1/$2 tables. Here I found the action I needed, doubling up my stack two times and picking up many big pots. It seems that the people that can afford to lose more than the people who play at the lowest tables are more likely to be reckless. CHA-CHING!!! In an hour I had quadrupled my original investment. $1000 in my pocket.
I took the surplus $500 and went to the $25/$50 tables. My plan was to PLAY 2 hands. I would wait until I had a real hand and play it. I could afford to lose $500 and still brag to my friends how I had doubled my money. I didn't plan on winning. I did.
The first hand I played was Pocket Rockets (AA, for those not in the know. ed.). All in pre-flop. My opponent was holding Kings. The second hand I played I raised with K/10 of spades from the cutoff (One spot before the dealer. ed.) with one limper behind me (the guy who called the minimum. ed). The blinds folded and the limper called. The flop came A of hearts, Q of spades and J of diamonds. Broadway!!!! (Ace high straight in poker lingo. ed.) He puts me all in and I called. He shows AA, both red. The turn comes a 3 of clubs and the river is the 9 of clubs. I just doubled up again!
Have you ever had free money? I did! I turned my stack into $5k that night. Do you know how hard it is to keep that to yourself? Very! The next night I went back. I have this rule, only take half of what you can afford to lose and leave when you lose half of that or win twice that much. Not too greedy or desperate. Keep an even keel. Never play money you can't aford to lose. So I withdrew $500 back into my bank account, securing my profit, and took the remaining $5k or so ($4,684 to be precise. Kudos to our Fact Checking Staff. Now drop dead. ed.) And went took the next step. $100/$200 table. The max buy-in was $20k, so I was short stacked from the start. 2 double ups later I was sitting on over $20k. (Where are you now Fact Checking Staff ?!?! ed.)
I took a break and went outside to smoke a cigarette. In the process of the game I had learned that one of the players at our table was a known player online. Being the rank amateur that I was I took money that he would normally have won without knowing it. Oops. My bad. Tee Hee...
When I went back I played the free tables to clear my mind. I found myself at the table of Huck Seed (Yes, that is his name. No, it is a nickname. Parents wouldn't do that to a child. ed.), one of the top players in the world who happens to be sponsored by Full Tilt. He noticed my play and critiqued me. It helped and I felt on top of the world. So I went back to the $100/$200 tables.
A couple of hands into it a new player sat down. New to the table, not to me. My stack belonged to him. He had come back for it. This player was, in my mind, obviously male, even though his avatar was a buxom blonde and his screename was sexually suggestive. I've come to learn that is a pretty common thing for guys to do.
But the funny thing was the screename reminded me of someone else. Someone who also played poker. And I saw myself, sitting at this table (e-table really. ed.) playing with my life. I saw that what I held so dear I would place on the line for more, just like this money.
A of diamonds, J of hearts in the big blind. Damn.
..."I've never met a heart as strong as yours."..."It belongs to you now. Be careful with it."..." Well then I fold. I don't play those jacksass hands."..."I bet."...
I'm holding a monster if the whole table folds. Except he raised. $2,500 to go. I called. $17,500 left in my stack. Flop comes 5 of hearts, K of clubs, 9 of diamonds. Gut-shot straight draw, one over card (Needs one card in the middle for the straight and has one...you know what?...you figure it out. ed)
..."Didn't I play a hand with you like this? Didn't you have Q's? Didn't I know that your Q's would always beat my A/J? A coin flip they call it."..."Can you hit the A? Or do you watch your money disappear?"..."Check"...
He bets $1,300. My lucky number is 13....
...I never told you WHY it was 13 but you knew it was. I don't think I told you. We were drunk a lot. I had so many other things I wanted to say. Some I never got around to. Some I'll never be able to. It doesn't matter anymore....I called. $16,200 left.
The turn comes 10 of hearts. Perfect tens...
...I remember that blustery day walking on the beach, knowing I was going down a path I couldn't return from anymore, seeing us together...perfect tens...how can this possibly be wrong...I raised...
$3,200 to see the River. A pause. An insult. A call. $13k in my hand...
..."Where is the game tonight?"..."IDK"..."Call xxxxx"..."I don't have the number"..."xxx-xxx-xxxx"..."Could you find out for me?"..."..."..."She says @ xxxxxxxx"..."Wanna go with me?"...Yes.I'm not losing this time.You sure as hell aren't winning...
The river comes the Q of hearts. Broadway. Again...
..."This doesn't ever happen to me and I need to know...are you in love with me?"...check...
It all fell on me at this moment. What I was willing to do. What I was willing to give up. What I was capable of asking of myself and others and what I would never be able to. How it never is truly real until it is over and done and you can see where the chips are going to be. How much your hand is worth. How delicate the veneer of our lives really is when held up to the light. What we will sell ourselves and what we TRULY want for it.
...a pause...interminable..."...I can't tell you that I do when I feel this way..."...I've made a mistake...I've misplayed this hand...
My opponenet says "well?"
..."Good bye"..."Thank you. I'm sorry. Good bye."...
I said "If you could take it back, would you check? What would you do?"
He said "ALLLLLLL INNNNNNN >:->"
..."Never do anything half hearted. I run straight into my life so it doesn't catch up to me"...I love you...but I can beat your Q's...
I said "Good bye". I went all-in.
(postscript: I realize that this post is a little confusing. It is actually the hand in question combined with bits of some conversations that I had with the person the hand reminded me of at the moment the hand was being played. The stuff in quotations is what was said, the things after the ...'s are what I thought at the time of the conversations. Interaction between me and my poker opponent are separated by line breaks. For those curious because there isn't a REAL ending to it, I lost the hand. While I made my straight my opponent had rivered his flush. I was pretty pissed. But I was never afraid of a bet ever again. For better or worse.)
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