Monday, December 20, 2010

I'd like to spin again, Pat...

It's amazing the things you can do when you put your mind to it! You can convince yourself of so many things if you just take a step back and asess the situation. Barriers that seemed insurmountable become merely annoyances in your way. Conditions that are insufferable suddenly don't seem too distasteful after all. Determination is a powerful tool. A great many things can be acomplished. A great many GREAT things can be acomplished. Conversely, a great many negative things can be done, for intention is separate from drive.
You see, you don't have to want to do a bad thing to do one. Sometimes we make mistakes and hurt our loved ones or strangers in ways they will never forget, all with the best of intentions. Sometimes we do it to ourselves. People make mistakes, and often they will make bigger ones when blinded by a noble pursuit. Think of every fervently persistant believer, of whatever denomination (ed. I believe they come in singles, pairs, 4-packs, dozens and by the case), that tried to "save you". Regardless of what anyone who is reading this believes about religion, you've had this experience.

They believe they are correct as you believe that you are correct, or at least you should have thought about what you think about it by now.(ed. Yeah, it IS correct syntax) So what they do that you find so uncomfortable/offensive/annoying/pathetic/dangerous/makes you want to kill is not only viewed as correct by that person but determination will inflict it on you, just as your beliefs on politics/race/the military/sports/art/sex/morals/sex/karaoke etiquette/sex are inflicted on other people when you are pasionate about it. If you value something THAT much, you will want others to appreciate it too, so you sell it. You talk it up.

In the above example, that person doesn't just proselytize out of sheer enjoyment (well, not always), but because they have made a decision in their lives to do this. They believe it is their correct path, the place they need to be, the person they should be. Just like you do. For whatever reason. Maybe to save a fellow man, maybe to look good, maybe to get extra "God Cookie Points" to make up for some past fault(ed. They never had that bake sale again. Ever.), they all have one that drives them. Just like we have the ones that drive us.

I have to say, that example is easy. Accessible. Most every body knows it. Even those on the other side. But most of these types of "will on will" situations happen in our daily lives over and over and we don't complain. Sometimes we don't even notice. We all have wants and needs and desires that we chase to fulfill. We are always moving. Man always seeks. And in moving we collide with others in the same search. Sometimes casually, sometimes violently, sometimes intentionally. We won't know when we are that "save you" guy to somebody else until after we are. But we will be, because we are driven somewhere or towards something and somebody will be in opposition. Always. I believe it is Newtonian Law, I'm afraid! Unavoidable.

The trick is not do do that to ourselves while still challenging and questioning ourselves enough to continue growing, a tricky balance and an eternal work in progress. How to measure this has been the subject of as many a philosopher's caucus as it has country music songs, but we have yet to find any kind of device or technique to apropriately quantify the balance of power in our brains. So we have to settle for trial and error. Committing a mistake is only fatal if you don't try again.

But here we run the risk of making a mistake again. It's almost like the human condition is conspiring against itself. The things that are the worst for us are usually the most appealing ones. Just ask any girl on a diet. The best things for you are usually rather unpleasant. Just ask a man going to his proctologist. Is the risk of a mistake repeated balanced by the need to try again? I"ve asked myself that a couple of times this year, and every time I ask it about something I have already asked it about, the answer is always just a little different, a little more complete. We live in the present tense. But our minds exist only in the past and we must looks only towards the future. What next. We are always moving. Man always seeks. In moving we collide. What are you colliding with? Why is that? Ask and ask again and you will get a different answer every time. Well...every time if you are doing it right.

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