I Am Not The Man You Met...

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning into the darkness of being." CJJ

My life has been interesting the last few years, to put it mildly. And I recently find myself on a particularly interesting turn in it. No pun intended, but mildly appropriate...if you got it. One of the things that I try to focus on nowadays as I figure my way through these moments is observation and analysis. My current ventures require a lot of it.

Things are tough here in the 21st century, and if you don't pay attention you'll get run over. But advice that, while still very true, is forgotten increasingly more so nowadays is that those who forget their past are doomed to repeat it. There are wars currently ocurring that do more to underscore the point than anything I could come up with.

So it bears noticing not only what path you are on but what path you took to get here. No sense walking in circles. Now, to be fair, most of us have walked in some sort of circle more than once. It is called a Life Script. Not to bore you with details here, but it refers in the Psych realms, to the patterns that people repeat in moments of stress. We all have them, there are many different variations and we all go back to them without noticing when we are faced with an unexpected decision or moment. Somebody cut you off, you just got a huge PGE bill, you meet someone attractive, you are made an offer, you fight, etc. There are too many positive and negative stressors to name here.

When these moments happen everybody has a little "playbook" that we subconciously go to. That's not to say you will handle all of these moments the same. Depending on the particular make up of the moment in how it presents itself, or rather, how you PERCEIVE that it presents itself, AND combined with your particular personality type, they will cause certain "predetermined" reactions and attitudes in us. You can almost predict them to a T if you can determine what their true personality type is. Even more so when you truly know someone. I now have to do this a lot in my day to day life. Just a quirk of the enviornment. It is quickly becoming my job. And to be honest I kinda like it. But I digress....

The point here being not that we are all predictable (Though we are. ed.), but that there are things about ourselves and the way we act and make decisions that, for the most part, we live unaware of. Everybody is guilty of that at one point or another. Show me a man who has been completely self aware and I will show you an asylum's padded room.

Unless...

YES!!! There is an "unless..."! 2 things. Pay Attention. Work Smarter.

We've all heard of the Golden Rule. "Treat people like you would want to be treated." Sounds awesome. Makes for a good soundbite. It is absolute crap. Let me repeat myself. I THINK THE GOLEDN RULE IS ABSOLUTE CRAP. People don't want to be treated like you do. They want to be treated like THEY do. They have their own script.
Same for you. Same for me. The trick is to know what yours is, recognize what other's are and act and speak accordingly to get best results.

You ever had one of those bosses that was ALWAYS right? I mean, it didn't matter if you were having a conversation about how you threw a BBQ at your place and how you grilled the chicken breasts he would come over and totally tell you you did that wrong or he says his marinade is better or something to correct you. He's a hardass. When you have a good idea he didn't think of he puts you down for it, but later he'll use it. That kind of a guy. In most places everybody kisses his ass to his face and talks crap behind his back. Why?

Because most people aren't jerky like that so they think "Maybe if I cozy up to the boss he will at least not direct it at me as much. He acts like he wants respect, let's give it to him" But that guy, he doesn't think like that. That is why he is a jerk. He wants you to NEED him to be like that. He thinks you are inferior. He needs you to be inferior. That is how he measures himself. By BEING the boss. Ask this guy for advice or help and watch a whole new side of him.

Validation is something everybody wants. Most people have vastly different ways of getting it. Give it to them in the correct or ideal way and you can get away with murder. At least you will understand how they think and might act better. Then use that to your advantage.

These are a powerful skill set to have, awareness and understanding. But they are useless if not pointed inwards first AND regularly with honest eyes. This is the hard one for me. I keep forgetting MY tells. I forget, just for a second, how I am going to react in a certain situation and how far I'll get myself in that same situation without realizing where I am going because I have already been there. And it isn't wrong to go back, but only if you know you are and you meant to.